The wait!

It rained that night. Did you see it my love, or were you still locked up behind those closed cabins in one of your never ceasing meetings? I had waited, you know. For hours; nay, for days. Maybe I had always hoped you would notice all those small signs that I could no longer hold it together.

Ours had been a whirlwind romance. Something straight out of the storybooks they said. Unlike any other, they said. Those days had been more fun and frolic than just holding hands or gazing at the stars. Pranks after prank we pulled on each other, trying to best each other and nearly splitting our sides with laughter at the end of the day. We had been the best of friends, even though we were just too different from each other. 

It seemed right too, for don't they say that opposites attract? You were the positives to all my negatives. I believed that with all my heart. I believed that with you by my side, I could only grow from strength to strength. Wasn't that a perfect way to kick start one’s life?

 I remember gazing into your eyes for the first time, it felt like I  had come home. In your arms I had felt a kind of peace which I had been in search of all those lonely years.

Life began well for us. Together we built a dream, together we lived it too.

With time though, I saw you grow into a different person. More driven towards work, and more idealistic in your views. Did you not notice the changes in me then my love? 

As you zoomed ahead, giving me threads to hang on to, I waited, believing that some day you would let me fly too. But was it your new found success or a faith in society's perception, I ceased to matter to you, others became more important. You would leave me to myself for hours, and yet come back demanding a cheerful home. I still strived to lock away the darkness somewhere deep within. I still tried to support you through your tough times. 

Tell me love, when was it that you started believing I was no longer of use. Was it when you started comparing me to the wives of your friends, or when you fell back to ancient habits of our ancestors? 

I was left with just a shard of self respect by then. I tried hard to stay afloat on it. Did you not see me sink even then?

Many times I thought of sitting in your embrace asking you these questions. But the time was never right. 

When darkness wrapped me in it's cold caress, I went willingly, for I had nothing left. Hours became days, days turned into years,all seemed nondescript to me though. Like clockwork I moved and lived. Day and night you made me face my flaws. The dream of growing in strength with you had turned into a nightmare. A nightmare I was willing to live for and I lived it with you. 

But one day you went one step ahead. You stripped me of all self-respect. You bereaved me of self-esteem. I was left hollow, even my darkness seemed desolate.

That night I stopped crying you see. That night I stopped believing in us.

There was you and there was me. And that was all that was left of it. My body and soul were scattered across a decade like a broken mirror. I did think of picking up the pieces but the hurt was too deep.

And from this side of the cracked wall I saw a broken you. We had stepped in with hopes of love and now we stood facing away from each other unable to believe the disappointment that had set in. 

We still lived together, coming together and falling apart, like the waves that hit the shores. But you were rooted and I was not. 

We tried and tried till we could try no more. 

Then one night I picked my keys and left. It rained that night, did you notice my love. How long was it before you even knew I was gone?

You never came looking for me. On that rainy night, did you sit back with relief of finally being free or were you angry with me as always?

The chains were broken though. You were free and so was I. 

The rain had cleansed our souls, and washed away our sorrows. The wait was finally over for us.

Today, I stand behind this pillar, witnessing you promise those dreams to someone else. You finally found the girl of your dreams. I can't help the sudden burst of joy in my heart. I see you turn and smile at me. All those years of pain forgotten. 

My wait is finally over. I can spread my wings and fly. It's time for me to embark on a new journey. Who knows what adventures lie ahead for me. My story has just begun.

Lakshmi M Nair