Curves and folds

I am voluptuous. No, I am not trying to hide the fact that I am fat. I refuse to torture myself by dividing this world into thin and fat people. It is sad how we as a generation have been fooled into thinking that there is either fat or thin and latter is the way one should be. Why do we refuse to accept our body as it is meant to be.

I am part of a dance class which has over fourteen ladies of all ages and sizes. All are beautiful in their own way. But my favourite is this beautiful youngster with fan like eyelashes and flowing raven hair. She was perfect in every way possible. Maybe a little lean, but then again that's her body type. She is about to get married in a month's time and the transformation that has come about in her appearance is unbelievable. She has lost so much weight that she looks ill. There's no other way to describe it. She seems to have suffered through prolonged illness of some kind, or so I thought until she mentioned some diets. I wonder which makes a person suffer more. Being ill and not eating or being on a diet and not eating.

Either way, a beautiful lady now looks a mere shadow of herself. I really miss the healthy looking girl I met few months ago.

Examples of such self torture are far too many. And the sad part is that we women refuse to see the beauty of our curves. I was reading some article on monsoon where and excerpt from Kalidasa's Meghdoot was mentioned. Parvati is sitting deep in meditation, in an effort to woo lord Shiva when a drop descends from heaven. The first drop of rain falls on her eyes as if in a kiss and slowly journeys down. From her cheeks to her chest then to the triple folds of her navel.

At this point I stopped reading and went back to the beginning of the excerpt. Had mine eyes deceived me. 'Tripple-folds'? That couldn't be right. I really must have read wrong. All those dramas based on our epics sold us a different story. Every single goddess, every single female protagonist had a perfectly flat stomach, almost as flat as the flat screen we watch them on.

Had I lost my mind or had Kalidasa lost his. I must have read that piece at least a dozen times until it struck me. We Indian ladies are built with curves and folds. Our bodies are beautiful in its natural state. Look at our actresses from earlier times. Meena Kumari, madhubala, Vaijantimala Bali; none of us ever wondered how narrow their hips were. The grace in their forms, the shine in their eyes, their charming smiles were enough to make us swoon. Those were the days when women were appreciated for their efforts rather than their size.

Coming back to recent times, we still have few women who have embraced their natural self and don't mind flaunting it. Vidya balan, hats off to this lady, is one such person who refused to give into the pressure of maintaining a narrow hip to succeed in the film industry. And am glad she didn't. Look at the kind of films she does now. Such powerful acting and such a mesmerising smile and we are floored.

I really wish that women look more keenly at inspirations like Ms. Balan than focusing on the size zero trend. What matters is to remain healthy. If you plan to lose some weight due to health reasons then nothing better. But if you plan to lose it to fit into a dress then am sorry, you need help.

I myself am overweight . Many well meaning people kept addressing me as fat and kept suggesting diets and exercises thinking they were helping me. What they did not understand was that this totally brought down my self confidence. I even ended up penning down my frustration as a poem.

"Yes I am fat,

Yet I see you copy my style,

Those colours that you wanna imbibe, 

Just the way I do...

Yes I am disfigured,

Yet I see you try to catch up with my energy,

Try to create that aura around you

Just the way I do...

Hell yes I am obese,

Yet I see you mimic my persona,

Trying on my smile, my charm, trying to woo those around you,

Just the way I do...

So know this my darlings...

When you call me crazy fat bitch,

What I see is silent admirers following my wake,

What I hear is reluctant followers singing my praise..

You call me names on my face..

But in your heart of hearts you know

You wish could live your lives..

Just the way I do..

I did try losing weight. But I did it only when I felt that my strength was ebbing. I lost weight by simple walks and eating better rather than starving myself. And even then I didn't lose more than a few pounds. Just enough to feel more energetic, never to fit into a pair of old pants.

So all you beautiful ladies out there. Appreciate the beautiful curves that you have. You have no idea how many people have fallen head over heels for that smile of yours. They probably never noticed that extra curve that you thought exists.

Give yourself a break. Cut yourself some slack. Be in love with yourself for who else can love you better than yourself.
Coming back to my initial statement. I repeat, I am not fat. I am voluptuous and I love the way I look. Do you?

PS: so I have used my treadmill a lot today. Time to give it some rest. Let me go relieve it off all those clothes I put out to dry on it. So long.